UNSEEN

 Lately, I’ve been stuck in this heavy fog that feels like it never really lifts. Depression has this sneaky way of making even the simplest days feel like they’re dragging me through mud. I still show up, I smile, I talk, and I do the usual things everyone expects, but underneath it all, I feel drained. It’s like my brain keeps whispering that I’m too much one minute and not enough the next. Some days, even getting out of bed feels like I’m carrying a thousand invisible weights. Have you ever felt like that? Where you’re surrounded by people but still feel completely alone?

What hits even harder is when the person you quietly crave attention from seems distant or indifferent. It’s ridiculous how much one person’s presence or absence can shift my entire mood. I try to act like it doesn’t matter, like I’m stronger than that, but deep down, it does. Their silence starts echoing in my head, turning into this endless overthinking spiral: “Did I do something wrong? Am I boring? Do they even care?” It’s exhausting, honestly. I hate how easily my heart hands over the remote control of my happiness to someone who barely notices.

And here’s the part no one really sees I laugh, I crack jokes, and I wear this mask of being fine, like I’ve got it all under control. People think I’m doing great because I’ve mastered the art of pretending. But keeping up that act is starting to feel like dragging around a costume that’s too heavy for me. The smiles don’t reach my eyes anymore, the laughs feel a little hollow, and sometimes I wonder if anyone notices the difference or if they even want to.

I guess I’m writing this because maybe you’ve felt it too that hollow ache of wanting to matter more than you seem to. Depression makes it all louder. The lack of attention turns into a magnifying glass that highlights every insecurity you thought you buried. But maybe that’s why I’m here, sharing this with you: to remind myself (and maybe you) that being human is messy. We feel things deeply, we break a little, we heal a little, and somehow, we keep going. I don’t have the answers yet, but maybe just being honest about it is the first tiny step toward feeling a little less alone.

~sehrish